It’s a cool thing to look back on my run as a mother from the very beginning until now. Having had my first child rather early, most people said I was a baby having a baby; but I knew what I wanted. I married at 18 and became pregnant with my first child six months later. I was 19 when my first of three daughters was born. They are 21 months apart. My son finished off my quartet exactly two years after daughter number three arrived. I can honestly say that each pregnancy, delivery, and child personality is different. 

My first pregnancy was difficult. Morning sickness was my plague. I kept soda crackers and Emetrol everywhere. I never rose from bed without a Cracker in my mouth. Towards the end of my pregnancy, Braxton hicks contractions started and created a problem. I was way too early but they kept coming back. Eventually, I was on medicine and bedrest for three weeks from gestation week 33-36. At one point my “morning sickness” took over for 24 hours straight. NOTHING stayed down. The doctor ordered IV bags for four days done at home to try and fluff me back up. My blood pressure went up too. Finally, at 36 weeks my doctor called at 6pm to tell me my ultrasound showed low fluid around my baby girl. He encouraged an induction so I went. At seven the next morning my water was broken, pitosin started, and later my pain meds began futilely. I delivered with only a numb leg and felt everything else. She had the cord wrapped around her neck and was born purple and limp. She spent four days in neonatal. I remember holding her on day two when I finally got to feed her. “Ok kid, I’ve never done this before so we are going to learn together.” 

My oldest daughter has her own baby and birth story now. She didn’t plan on using the doctor who delivered her but since he was on call that night, the story came full circle and my doctor cared for the child he delivered twenty years ago. It’s a precious story to me and I can’t tell you how my heart over flows. As new unions are formed and new children are born I will know my heart will stretch and expand and over flow. My four children have been the meaning and focus of my life for twenty years and now my grandchildren will broaden that focus to wonderful limits I can only giggle and imagine. Still have to say that the only thing as sweet as holding my new grandson was the picture of my mama holding him. Strange how I almost cry when I see the picture of that moment. 

I am so blessed. 

There are few things more important in life as having a good friend. They are hard to come by. Once upon a time I had an employer inform me that my coworkers were not my friends, they are coworkers, and I was told very plainly not to confuse the two. Unfortunately he was right. Thanks for trying to warn me. I get it now. One of my brothers also once said, “People are inheritantly s@&tty. They have always been s…y and they will always be s…y. Don’t expect otherwise.” While these thoughts have totally depressed me I must admit there is merit to the unfortunate wisdom here. 

Ever been to the grocery store to buy some milk and witnessed some horrible excuse of a parent tell there kid to sit the —down and shut the —- up and what a dumb — they are? Do we really wonder why these kids turn out to be untrustworthy and have little regard for others? What are we teaching them?! 

After all the drama on tv, the out pouring of evil, and the inexcusable way we have treated everything that should be holy even to people who don’t know God, do you ever wonder if there are people left who are worthy of being called friend? I have asked myself that same question. 

Lots of people like dogs. Some love dogs or cats or some critter. Have you ever wondered why people get so attached to animals? Could it be that animals are occasionally better listeners? They don’t tell your secrets? They love you just for the si ole action of showing up? Wow, that really looks like the beginnings of a great definition of a friend. 

I have had some great friends in my time. People who were there for me. Folks I knew I could call if something went wrong. In 2011 a tornado hit our home. The number of people who showed up with tools and food and helping hands was astonishing. We had people moving debre and others fixing fences. They were here without even being called. It was amazing. I’ve even had friends call me out of the blue saying they just had a feeling they needed to check on me and cover me with prayer when they had no idea how badly I truly needed it. When the resssion hit we were rolling quarters just to buy milk for our four kids and with no warning someone drove up and handed me five hundred dollars to help make ends meet. I have seen the best and worst of people. Both extremes always shock me. 

Can you imagine how great it would be if we all did a better job of listening, keeping secrets, and showing others that we love them without provocation? I’m not saying we should all act like dogs. I don’t even give much love to those little sayings like, “God please help me to be as good a person as my dog thinks I am.” What I am saying is maybe each of us could try a little harder to love our neighbor as ourselves. Who is my neighbor? That question was answered thoroughly already. Why am I posting about it? Because I have been so blessed in my life that I have some of the most amazing friends a girl could imagine. A best friend who knows me better than I know myself. Someone I can trust with anything and everything. Someone who without a word knows exactly what I need. It’s not the dog in the pic up there either. He’s great and I love him dearly but he is not where I go when I need to pour out my heart and get good advice. If I had to put a real reason behind this message it is to say thank you. 

Thank you to those brace souls who love me. Thank you to the lunatics who consider me worthy to be called friend. Thank you to God himself for surrounding my heart with all the love I could ask for. I hope I manage to give something back to you. 

We will always be surrounded by the best and worst of humanity. My advice to you, find someone who can hold your heart without causing you fear. Then do your best to be worthy of that gift. And please, choose wisely. 

There’s a drought here in Alabama. The ponds are all but dried up. Some of them already are. I was having a stressful day and decided to go and visit mine. We have an underground spring that feeds our pond so ours is luckier than most but it is still way down. I can’t tell you how many puddles I’ve driven past lately that used to be full size ponds. The Lilly pads are standing in dried dirt in places. It’s a sad thing to see. It’s not a good sign of life. The drought here has affected hay production. No one has what they need to make it through the winter with live stock under the what should be conditions this year but we are forced to start feeding out what we have now because the grass is gone. It’s not a good sign. Cows are being sold cheap because no one wants to feed them for the next few months. Half of the ones going through the sale are skin and bone. Droughts are serious problems. Oddly enough this one has helped me to identify that sometimes we have droughts in life as well. 

Have you ever been so tired you had nothing left to give? Your energy is just completely dried up? Your patience has shriveled up and died? Man, do I know what that feels like. If water is a sign of life then drought is a sure sign of death and certainly if not handed proactively, can cause a big problem. Emotionally, a drought in a person can kill spirit, care, and any desire to do something productive. That’s where I was at yesterday. Even my bones felt dry. I sat on the front porch and cried. 

I’m not where I want to be in life. It seems everything I’d like to accomplish is something I have to wait for. It feels like I’ve been waiting a very very long time. I’d like to have a job that allows me a little more autonomy over my day. I am not so great at being in an office since the last job I was in ended,,,oddly. (That’s for another day). I’m driving a school bus right now which provides health insurance for our family that is good coverage. I’m home during the day to work on school work (I’m an online student at almost 40. God help me). Driving a bus has been a very benecial endeavor. Let me tell you. You won’t pay the bills on what a school bus driver makes in a months time. After paying for health insurance coverage I bring home less than $500 for an entire month. Ladies and gentlemen that ain’t much. 

The kids on that bus have good days and bad days. Most of them are great. We laugh and talk all the way to the school and back. When I’m not having a good day some of the kids in the back sing to me, “The wheels on the bus go round and round”. They sing that because I used to sing to them. It made them squirm and that made me laugh. Now they give it back to me. Not all of my students are so great to ride with.  After getting off the bus Thursday I wanted to quit. A group of eighth graders are wearing me out. I’ve called parents who don’t care. Written them up and they were warned. (Next time off for a day) They are rude and disrespectful. By the time Thursday got here I was so worn out from Statistics online, kids on my bus, my husband has been sick, and I have a child that God is helping me with, and being a mom that I texted my boss and asked for the day off. Told him I needed a break. He’s so great he said enjoy your day out. I said thanks I plan to look for a job. He ahot back with,  “You have a job”. I laughed. Friday I got up and didn’t leave at 5:15 like I usually do. I sat in the kitchen and drank coffee and smiled knowing someone else was cranking up ‘ol Bessy. Later,my special child, I like that name, and I got into an argument and again I felt more drought frying me on the inside. It was time to fill my cup. I called my mom. 

She was glad to see me of course but when I got there it was very obvious that she was very sick. Her fever shot up and she was shivering so bad. She couldn’t walk straight without almost falling over. I loaded her up and took off for a doctor. Primed sent us to the emergency room. We sat in the ER where she shivered so hard it looked like a seizure but since she had a fever they wouldn’t let her have a blanket, just a sheet. Do you love your mama? I LOVE mine and seeing her like that did me in. They wouldn’t give her a blanket but I certainly could do something so I crawled in bed beside her and wrapped her in my arms. It only took a minute. The shivers stopped. 

I couldn’t leave her in that bed or she shook like a leaf so I became a vine wrapped around her. She was laughing thinking the nurses would complain. I just smiled and assured her they were NOT going to move me. She giggled and snuggled in. My cup over flowed. 

I am an all or nothing kind of person. My mother constantly tries to get me to slow down. I run at everything I do as fast and as hard as I can. “Do it with all thy might” is ever present in my mind. Unfortunately there are times that my well runs dry. Thursday was that day. Not the job I want, wait. Not finished with school yet, wait. My truck needs replacing, wait. My house is trashed from kids and dogs, wait. Chris isn’t feeling well, wait. Cook dinner. Wash the laundry. Wash the dishes. Work on homework. Listen to tears. Manage teenagers. Mom! She won’t stay out of my stuff! Mom can I go…Mom can I have…hey honey what’s for dinner….pray and wait. You get the idea. By Thursday I was dry as dust on the inside. 

Can I make an observation here? I have no intentions of this being a religious blog but can we talk about water for one second? Isn’t it amazing that in a drought we see the need for water? How much life it brings? Is it any wonder God would use something so important to help us understand His benefit in our lives? John 14:4 says if we drink of His water we will never thirst again. Isn’t that awesome?! Now, what’s that old saying about leading a mule to water? Yeah, I’m having an epiphany here. 

Unfortunately, my frustrations that dried up my spirit were depriving me of peace. I was mad. Mad that so much is going on and it felt like no one around was helping or cared. I even said out loud that I was not mad at God but in a way that doesn’t look true. If I have faith that He will help me then why am I stressing over the timing or the where? I’m working this morning to remind myself that He is all over it and I need to quit stressing so much. Use what you have. Ok, I’ll pour another quart of oil in the truck, water the flowers with a hose, and pray while I wait. Doesn’t mean my eyes are not open for the answer to those prayers! Also doesn’t mean I won’t get tired of waiting. I’m just singing “while I’m waiting” As I do. 

I’m not an oasis today but it’s better. There’s nothing like spending four hours wrapped around your mom to refresh your soul.